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Social Media gives us the benefit of making our lives perfect to the world. I have shown strength. I show the world how tough I am. Kicking cancers ass. But these last two weeks? Not so much. I have avoided talking about the stem cell as much as possible. It makes me feel weak. I do NOT want to be strong. The Reality? I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m pissed. I did it once ... Why do I have to do it again?!?! After talking to a good friend she told me “it's okay to feel that way sometimes.” Everyone says “You are strong!” “everything will go great!” And while I love the positivity, it was great to hear its okay to be scared, sad, mad, and disappointed. I am under this constant pressure to be strong and positive. But all I need is a little time to feel sad or mad about the situation. Of course the goal is for that to be temporary. I can’t stay in that place long but I think allowing myself to feel sorry for myself in this situation is part of the healing process. Last night, I talked to my transplant coordinator about my fears. She reassured me that my health (other than the obvious), age and compatibly with my donor decrease my chances of not accepting the donor cells. I also have to admit that my relationship with the almighty God has been anything but great. Part of my being mad was at him for “allowing” this to happen. I am slowly mending that relationship and working on getting that peace and calm back that he gave me initially. March 1, 2018 is the day I get my life back. Days -6 through -1 are going to be hard. But March first is day 0. D Day. So keep the prayers and positive vibes headed my way, friends and family! Without all of the love and support, I couldn’t do any of this!! 🤗💚 Hugs and Love!! 💚🤗
SPECIAL GIVEAWAY:
We just got a major milestone in the Drager household! I just had my last “regular chemo” treatment! (I will get more with stem cell, but that’s a whole other post 😉). So to celebrate this milestone, I have teamed up with my bestie @westerncoutore to give one luck winner a FULL photoshoot!! Say what?!?! 🤩🤩🤩 Go follow us on Instagram to learn how to win! I have used many different types of toothpaste ... whitening, minty, healthy, etc. But only 3 days after making my own, my teeth were whiter, pain free, and so fresh and so clean.
1/2 cup coconut oil 1/4 cup baking soda 5 drops orange (whitening power) 10 drops peppermint (fresh breath) 10 drops thieves (keeps the kooties away) Learn more about oils HERE! I have always thought of myself as tough. Physically able to throw around salt bags, move furniture and basically find a way to make it work. Now, I am learning to be emotionally tough{er}. A little over 2 weeks ago, I went to the doctor knowing something was wrong. Feeling it deep down. I had feelings it was cancer again ... some of those feelings you just can't shake. But the oncologist had assured me 5 years ago that after 10 years I was cured. And that my chances of Cancer were the same as everyone else's. But true to my form, I defy the odds. I have the crazy diagnosis. I surprise people. And that's what happened ... 15 1/2 years later it was the same kind. The same cancer that I beat when I was 17 years old. I can talk about the medical and the facts all day long. That's easy. It's the emotional ... The real ... that's hard to discuss. I consider myself a pretty positive person. But this news was devastating. For about 36 hrs, I was scared, sad, and just plain mad. But you know what? Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.
I want to share my journey. I want to show people life is tough, but you can be tougher. |
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January 2018
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